counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
