If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
