In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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