I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
