I just pynch a tree in the face
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
