I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
