I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize