hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
