I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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