The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
