There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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