I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
