my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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