i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
