He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
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Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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