Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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