Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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