so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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