you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you win again, gameday.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
