when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
