just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
