apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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