I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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