The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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