My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
