i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
