Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
