He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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