Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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