I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
