hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish you could order shots online.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
