Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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