now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
