You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
