I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
