So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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