im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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