She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
