There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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