I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Come share oat with me in your robe
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
