Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just gift wrapped bread.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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