Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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