I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
