these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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