Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
