Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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