I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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