Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
