I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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