if you like me you must not know who I am
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
