I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
