I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
