I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize