you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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