im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
