Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
