Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
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God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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