You're my little dorito
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
