There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
