Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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