The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
