I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
