what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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