is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
