Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Randomize