oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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