There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
