too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
