If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
