i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
