you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
