i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
